The Stranger in the Mirror by Jane Shilling: book review

Jane Shilling’s The Stranger in the Mirror: a memoir of middle age (2011) is a British woman’s journey approaching her fifties as she comes to terms with her age, her loves, and her career.

First, Shilling comes to terms with the definition of “middle age” – “the unequivocal marker of the boundary between youth and what is left of life” and states categorically that “middle age and the menopause are not precisely the same thing.” Interestingly, the author uses comparative literature to juxtapose her feelings and thoughts with those of other authors, past and present. These include quotes from Simone de Beauvoir, Colette, George Eliot, Germaine Greer, Henry James, Nancy Mitford, and Virginia Woolf (such as “Lord, are we as old as all that? I feel about six and a half”) and an analysis of fictional middle-aged characters.

She also uses fashion, hairstyles, and cosmetics (and cosmetic surgery) as markers – when one’s ability to wear hot pants and biker jackets with conviction tends to diminish. Magazines, media, movies and motherhood also help her to define the passing of time – raising a son as a single mother. She realizes that as he transitions through the “awkward age” from adolescence to manhood, she is also transitioning through the awkward years of “hot flushes, sudden weight gain, incapacitating vagueness, wrinkles, invisibility, powerlessness and an interest in gardening.”

By Shilling’s own admission, this is not a manual on how to cope with menopause. Nor is it a novel as such. It is a memoir, a story, or a personal meditation of her own life as she experiences it. Some revelations will no doubt resonate with readers, while others will be glossed over. However, it’s an easy-to-read work of personal fact in which the reader can stop at any moment in time to reflect on their own life, thoughts, feelings and actions –not to constantly look backwards, but to look forwards with confidence.

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