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Win, lose or participate: what's good for children?


American authors Ashley Merryman and Po Bronson have written on the science of winning and losing. And they think they have answers for parents and teachers.

Competition trophies—in sport, spelling bees, and other competitions—were once rare. It was a rare honor to win. But what about those that didn’t win—the, er, losers?

Currently, participation is the buzz word. It doesn’t matter if children win or lose, it’s the participation that is most important. Or is it?

Participation ribbons, certificates, and trophies are now abundant. Children are constantly assured that they are winners, just by participating. A regional branch of the Youth Soccer Organization, according to Merryman and Bronson, issue 3,500 awards each season—each player receives an award, and about 33% receive two awards. Trophy and award sales are an estimated $3 billion a year industry in the United States and Canada.

The authors write about winning and losing experiments on children. A Stanford University psychology professor, Carol Dweck, found that children respond positively to praise—they enjoy hearing that they are talented, smart, and special. But when they “fail” or find a task difficult, they feel “defeated” very easily. In fact, children would rather cheat than risk failing again. By age 4 or 5, children are surprising accurate in identifying who excels and who struggles in their classroom. Those who constantly lose or fail soon give up. Those who do well feel upset if they are not recognized for their talent, and if they never or rarely receive praise they soon give up. However, once children obtain some proficiency in a task, the excitement of real competition may become appealing. This is more because real competition challenges their individual talent, and children do not initially see it as a ranking system against other children.

When it comes to rewards, if everyone receives an award for participation, then children are all treated equally. So what’s wrong with that?

Jean Twenge, author of “Generation Me,” studied American college students. When participation trophies were given, the cultural message is: to succeed, you just have to show up. In college, those who constantly received participation awards in their childhood did the requisite work in college, but did not see the need to do it well. Their perception is that attendance is all they need to be promoted. And this carries into the workplace. In fact, in the workplace they cannot understand why they are not promoted automatically. It’s a puzzle to them—a problem that they can’t seem to fix. Why? The reason could be because they never had to fix the problem, or any problem, or strive to achieve anything before in their life. It was all too easy.

The authors reveal the science of winning and losing: it is clear, they state. Awards can be powerful motivators, but non-stop recognition does not inspire children to succeed. Instead, constant awards can cause children to underachieve. If children know that they will automatically receive an award, there is little impetus for improvement. Problem-solving is not an issue because there is no problem to solve—and that is the problem! If there is no obstacle, children do not even know there is a problem to solve, and therefore do not acquire problem-solving techniques.

The solution is to allow children to make mistakes, to see that it’s okay to lose, and to encourage problem-solving skills and the desire to strive for improvement. The authors maintain that the job of parents and teachers is to help children overcome losing and setbacks, to help children to see that progress over time is more important than a particular win or loss, and to cease the practice of giving out participation trophies. Life is more than just showing up.


From “Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing” by Ashley Merryman and Po Bronson.

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